Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
