My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
