I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
