maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
