I can text with my tongue
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
