i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
