i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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