So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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