She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
