I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
