The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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