i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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