my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
