I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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