Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
