We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
