between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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