Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
