i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
