You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
