dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
