.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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