Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
