I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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