your parents love me but you hate me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We got so high we made milksteak
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
