Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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