If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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