Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
