You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
