We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
