Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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