Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
