Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
