just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
