So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
