I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Don't make out with my wife yet
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
