Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
