Swine flu. Run for my life!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
