none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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