she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think my vagina is haunted
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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