I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
