dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
