You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize