i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
