I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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