im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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