She's JV to your varsity
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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