First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
