I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
