Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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