Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
