booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
