you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
