Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
