What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
