no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize