he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
