I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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