Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
