Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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