The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dicks are not precious.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
