She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
