69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
accomplished twins. life is a go
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
