after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
