Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
