i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
