You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
