I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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